Weirdness

For the second time this week, in just a couple days actually, waking up early on a mattress on the floor to drive from amherst to northampton to shower and then back to hadley to work, all before 9:30, driving in my truck,
on a really really lovely september morning (september already-I'll be 28 in less then two weeks)
in my cowboy boots and sunglasses and trench coat, listening to jenny lewis really loudly and trying to figure out myself and why people react to me the way they do,
and I come home this morning (and I never came home from work last night) to both $100 from my mom out of the blue that I really need, which she can't really afford, so there's relief and guilt there, and a really large box from my ex-wife of a lot of the stuff she took in july that I have been ranting about missing all summer. Is that closure?
On top of a night last night of some really hardcore talking and thinking and exploring about and of sex and friendship and different forms of love, it seems odd to get the rest of me back from my first love, just this morning.
I'm spending a lot of time driving in my car back and forth on rte 9, listening to music (a lot of magnetic fields, jenny lewis, & death cab for cutie) with the windows open, feeling the fall air, feeling cinematic, like I am a character in something.
And now should shower or I will be late for work...time to get back in the car in the other direction...at least the bathroom's clean, thanks to erin & friend.