I'm having a problem lately with feeling like people keep making assumptions about me, or thinking they know what my next step with be, or making blanket decisions about my personality without really knowing me at all.
Like they take one tiny grain of information and run with it and construct a whole persona for me from it. I don't think that's fair.
I have a lot of complexity, and contradictions, and just because you really love one thing about me doesn't mean you'll like the whole package, so don't get so excited.
So don't go on and act all surprised if you like me, and then you learn something that you don't like. And don't try and act like I lied to you, because all sorts of contradictory things about me just happen to be true.
I try to be a good human being and bring my reusable bag to the grocery store and recycle everything and believe in and support local agrculture and businesses and would rather walk places than drive and like to cook and grow my own food and don't like mostly to eat chemicals or things from mixes or any fast food and all those things are very very true but I also drive an old Ford Explorer and I love it, if I had all the money in the world and could buy any car I wanted I might buy a really big ridiculous pickup truck and I love shampoo with really strong scents and all other manner of artificially scented body and cleaning products from target and my perfume if britney spears' "curious" hahaha and I don't like candy but sometimes a reeses peanut butter cup can send me to heaven annd I am very romantic and sentimental but I also like sex with no attachments and I like toenail polish and glitter eyeshadow, and trashy clothing from the mall, and coffee from machines in gas stations, amd I like to dress old fashioned and love beautiful vintage things but I like hip jeans and fabulous sneakers too and hell I like to mostly just wear my pink sweatpants from target at home so don't treat me like such a princess where I can only wear skirts and hair ribbons and I dislike most things new age or hippy-like at all but I really believe in yoga and tarot and do both of those things everyday and sometimes I love just sitting on my yoga mat focusing and I love to cook and really care about food and appreciate really amazing food but you can take me to a diner or make me frozen french fries and I'll be really really happy and I love very very much both beautiful old well-made objects and cheap plastic crap and I'm incredibly shy and have trouble meeting new people but I'll drive to stranger's house in a different city and get into their bed within ten mintues and have no problem with it and I love shoes but can't really walk in high heels and I keep my apartment really neat and organized but also don't care if my friends get crumbs and frosting all over the place and I can be equally excited about an evening spent crafting and watching anne of green gables and drinking tea or or an evening drinking a shit ton of alcohol and doing outrageopus things and I'll do a lot of things to please other people but I'll also stand my ground and it is not because I'm a bitch or may be it is and I'm very private about what I really think but I'll tell you a lot of intimate details you probably don't want to hear and I like a lot of very cool hipster music like the silver jews and guided by voices that impresses cute indy boys but I also love britney spears and ani difranco and hall&oats and steely dan and the pet shop boys and lots of country music and old broadway musicals and hardcore rap music and I love bad 80's hair metal like guns n' roses and bon jovi and poison a lot plus lots of queer punk from the 90's like team dresch and bratmobile etc and I read the new yorker and cosmo and like six food magazines and a lot of glossy tabloids and I love them all and I read nonfiction and poetry and difficult novels and chick lit and trashy horror novels and books which are basically food porn ...
and I feel like I am a smart spiritual artistic creative trashy drunken reckless slutty sincere open hearted self-protective romantic exhibitionist private girl all at once.
I know: all about me.
I am one hundred percent sure that this is true of everybody,. but I still keep getting: oh I thought "you were different, I'm disappointed" lately. Over stupid shit like I care about the earth but drive my big car, or really love pavement but also really love britney, or am a genuinely smart person but love love love bad reality tv. So what?
This is just what went through my head earlier today driving in beloved Ford Explorer listening to ani difranco wearing my badass motorcycle boots on my way home from a date where I felt kind of misunderstood/judged to the big y in greenfield to buy toilet paper, trash bags, fancy feast for dustyrose, and cheap white wine for me.
One last note: maybe this is my fault, because I will play with whomever I'm with. But never to the degree that it's not true, it's just that if there are things we have in common, I will focus on those. Is that bad?
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