Monday, January 5, 2009

being new age & trying to be positive

I was just walking around thinking about stuff (I think best in motion) and I was making this list in my head of all the things which are good and make me happy right now...I think maybe I'm being unnecessarily negative about this situation, it was only a job, it wasn't me, and the people who hurt me are people that I didn't even know a year ago, so they turned out to be assholes, who are they to me really?
Definitely life could be worse. This is not all misery. I think if I can manage to step back from this situation, I see a lot of good things in this particular period of my life, although it is a difficult one.
Anyway, here's my list: this is what makes me happy right now:
Writing letters, my apartment, especially when I first walk in the door after being away all day, all my lovely plants, writing in my journal, gluing things into my journal, doing yoga in my room in the morning, my nautical bathroom, reading books, venturing out in the freezing cold and finding a hot chocolate and a cookie somewhere delicious, cooking myself little meals in my delightful kitchen, dustyrose, late night walks under the moon, scarves, gloves, hats, mittens, socks, and tights, my several pairs of awesome boots, really hot showers, my friends here whom I haven't distanced myself from, spending time with new people and rediscovering old ones because I have distanced myself from so many, painting, listening to the itunes shuffle and dancing alone, laying on the floor on a cushion and reading my subscriptions to food magazines, driving around and listening to music, udon noodles, wearing cute outfits even though I have nowhere to really go, toast, all my stuff that I've collected, being open to lots of possibilities and an unknown future, eating breakfast sandwiches and people watching, coffee, tea, wine, and beer, appreciating good lighting and beautiful sunsets, being on a difficult path and accepting it, reading tarot cards, being scared but no longer feeling trapped, realizing that I have successfully lived alone for three months for the first time since I was 18, and now I'm doing it with no job too, chickpea curries and sandwiches with hot sauce, reminding myself that "unemployed artist" is a way cooler occupation then "whole foods assistant customer service team leader," being a fulltime rock star rather than rock star/grocery clerk, being forced into a lot of solitude and liking myself better mostly for it, crocheting, taking a lot of stupid self portraits with my borrowed camera, poetry, conceiving of art exhibits, and certain unexpected friendships.

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